


How to Not Fail

by ABookAndACoffee



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Bathtub Sex, F/M, NSFW, Vaginal Fingering, somewhat self-harm???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABookAndACoffee/pseuds/ABookAndACoffee
Summary: Elain is taking a bath when Lucien interrupts her and helps her experience more than just pain."She catches his gaze and holds it, refusing to let him look away. Elain is aware that this is a moment in which she can ask something, for once, in which she can make a demand, and there is no one beside Lucien that she would ask this of.'Touch me, Lucien.' Her knees grow farther apart. 'Please.'”





	How to Not Fail

Elain shifts occasionally so that she is reminded of the warmth of the water. Taking a bath is a luxury. Or it was. When she was with Feyre and Nesta and their father in that cabin, it was a weekly occurrence, if that. And now? Now she can not only count on cleanliness, her nails gleaming, her hair having taken on a healthier sheen, but she can lounge in the water. She realizes that this is also something she can take for granted – an excess of time in which to contemplate what she and her sisters have been through in the last months. And before. How others have failed her; how she has failed herself. 

Upon reflection, perhaps she has been a bit too closed off. Always being what people need, trying to anticipate their wants and meeting them before they even knew they existed. It leaves little time for one’s self. Of course everyone says she is so accommodating, so kind, so giving. But she has given so much of herself, carved out parts of herself to leave space for others, that some days she can’t see the line where she begins to exist as a separate being. 

Now, this is her favorite moment of the day. Alone, aware of every inch of her own skin, how it sings and hums and cries out with certain attentions. Elain reminds herself of this new body, its potential, what she might chose to do with it. And after training, easy as it is compared to what others experience, she lets the warmth soak into her muscles. 

She lifts her legs out of the water one at a time, testing to see which of her bruises are painful, and which are merely aesthetic. It is difficult to tell which slights are going to hurt her, at first. Sometimes they are skin deep, fading quickly and leaving no memory. Others are more stubborn, resisting healing. They don’t always look like they will cause her harm. So she pokes and prods and considers and ponders her memories, what people have said to her and how she has minimized herself to make room for them. 

Elain finds a particularly painful bruise and gasps with a sharp intake of breath. She smiles. Here. This is a place in which she has felt, been injured, something that has lasted. And it was of her own doing. Not for anyone else, this unevenly-shaped discoloration is something she chose and she relishes in what she can claim for herself. She presses her thumb into it harder, testing her limits, reminding herself that on occasion, she acts. 

Shaking her head, she drops her legs back into the water, the pain from the pressure of her fingers quickly replaced by the renewed warmth of the water. 

This is not merely an exercise to discern which of her physical injuries from training will need attention. Cassian insisted on basic knowledge of self-defense, and while everyone else was reluctant, she agreed. She hadn’t expected this to provide her with an opportunity to consider other ways she has been injured, unknowingly, not understanding the difference between giving of herself freely and being forced to sacrifice. 

Elain’s eyes close momentarily and she tries to forget that she has been conditioned to do this, to give so much of herself that she can’t find the line between what she wants and what others have demanded of her. 

When Lucien knocks on the bathroom door and receives an invitation to come in, he expects Elain to be in at least a half-decent state. Perhaps doing her make-up, or brushing her hair. 

But no, she is in the bathtub, modestly covered by bubbles, a wine glass in hand. She has been here for a while; condensation covers the mirror, her glass nearly empty. She tries to hide the grin from her face at his surprise. It has only taken her a moment to decide on how this next scene will play out, and she hopes that Lucien will go along with her plans. 

“Yes?” Elain asks sweetly, as if she weren’t naked and wet and a little bit drunk. 

Lucien closes the door behind himself, but looks unsure of how to proceed. “I needed to ask you something.” 

“What was that?” Elain takes a sip of her wine, the condensation from the glass dripping into the water that covers her. The bubbles are strategically placed to cover the majority of what is clearly bare, though her angles show themselves – knees, shoulders, elbows are exposed, wet. Her hair is in a knot on the top of her head, and stray strands have stuck themselves to her neck. 

Lucien swallows. He follows the lines of Elain’s body that he can, cursing himself that he cannot see more while chastising himself for wanting to. He drops to his knees at the side of the bathtub without a thought. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, from the heat of the water or the wine he isn’t sure, but it does something to him to see this sign of warmth and life in her. 

“Elain. I think I should come back later.” He places his hand on the edge of the tub, and she quickly covers it with her own, holding him in place. 

“No. Ask me now.” Elain takes a sip of wine, finishing the glass. Shifting slightly, she leans over to set it on the ground. She moves carefully so that no more of her is exposed above water, and when she settles herself back, she cocks her head. 

“I don’t think I can.” Lucien stops speaking. There is nothing more to say, not right now, when he can barely catch his breath from the want. He licks his lips. 

Elain moves again, her small, pert breasts showing themselves for a moment before retreating below the water. “Then why are you here?” 

His eyes have traveled the inches of leg that show, noticing the injuries, small and large, that pepper her skin. This is to be expected, but his eyes narrow. Without warning, he places his other hand on her knee. Their eyes go to this spot. He has never touched her beyond clasping her hand, taking her arm to escort her during a function. Once, he pushed a curl behind her ear and she thought of holding her hand on his arm and refusing to let him move away. But she hadn’t, because this was not requested of her. 

“I’m not sure,” he responds. 

“I think you are.” Understanding her wounds has created a momentary bravery, as if she can finally identify how she feels and can act on it. 

She catches his gaze and holds it, refusing to let him look away. Elain is aware that this is a moment in which she can ask something, for once, in which she can make a demand, and there is no one beside Lucien that she would ask this of. 

“Touch me, Lucien.” Her knees grow farther apart. “Please.” 

He dips his hand below the water, moving from her knee down the length of her thigh, his fingertips moving closer to her center as she tries to keep them from trembling. Testing her gently, his fingers part her. He can’t see her center and so he watches her face, concentrating on her reactions to know when to continue, and when to pull back. He quickly learns the feel of her skin there, how her clit will respond when places a certain amount of pressure, the feel of her folds, and when he feels her slickness grow, despite the water, he keeps his satisfaction contained. 

Elain’s eyes close momentarily when he touches her for the first time. This is not Graysen and the tentative brushes of his lips on her cheek. Despite how far she had leaned into him, he had never taken the invitation for more. But Lucien… He wants what she has to give, and not only that, he wants to give her something in return. She pauses for a moment, considering what this could mean. Then she brushes her doubt aside, knowing that this will be better than what she had, that anything she had before will be reduced to ashes in comparison to what Lucien is willing to offer. The focus of his eyes tells her this much. There is nothing and no one else in the world that isn’t her. For the moment, she trusts this. 

Lucien begins to stroke her in a steady rhythm, knowing that she will respond quickly. She seems to have been waiting for this, for him to touch her in this way. Her eyes close again and she reaches up to grasp her breast, massaging it for a moment before arching her back so that it is out of the water and Lucien takes the sight in greedily before she covers it with her own hand, pinching her nipples. He reaches down to cup himself through his pants, needing the slight pressure to relieve his own increasing tension. 

But now is not about himself. It is about Elain, and what she clearly wants, though she is normally too afraid to ask. He wonders momentarily at the injuries he glimpsed, what he had heard before knocking on the door. 

Pushing aside what is already a memory, he slips a finger inside of her. 

Elain’s mouth opens slightly, her lips wet and pink and he can’t help himself, he leans over and kisses her. Though it isn’t the first time that their lips have met, this is the first time that he has kissed her while having his fingers on her cunt, while she is naked, and they are both keenly aware of how vulnerable she has become. Their tongues collide and taste, and nothing will bring them closer. No words they can say, no vows they can make. Elain is asking Lucien to give her everything and take nothing in return, and he is all too willing to do this for her. 

Realizing this, she clenches her thighs together. But it only lasts a moment before she relaxes again. She reaches down and grasps his wrist, feeling the movement of his hand on her. She has never come with a man’s hands on her, but she thinks that perhaps this time, he will have the patience and time and regard for her that he will do this, he will learn her pleasure in the same way she had been learning her pain. 

He begins with a steady rhythm, learning what increases the tension between her legs, keenly aware of how her breath changes and her pulses quickens. When she seems to lose all control, Lucien knows that he is close, that she is. His fingers thrust into her, one of her hands grasping his wrist and the other on his shoulder, her mouth open in uncontrollable lust. She closes her eyes, lost to the fact that someone else has brought her to this edge by instinct. 

Elain loosens her grip on the hand that Lucien had on the edge of the bathtub, and he begins to speak to her. He asks her to get closer, tells her she looks beautiful, that he will do anything to make sure that she keeps looking like this, feeling this pleasure. Nothing that he says is a lie. He will keep bringing her pleasure, he will think only of her, he will forsake any other tie that he might have, if only he can continue to watch her, open-mouthed and flushed and panting, as his fingers move on her and in her and they both concentrate on what is building between her legs. 

When she comes it is with force she doesn’t expect. No one has been able to bring her to this edge before and though she wanted him there and touching her, she is still in amazement that he has learned her so quickly, so well. She wonders if the tie between them has something to do with it, and brushes the thought away. Whether this is true or not, she needs this again. 

Lucien pulls his hand out of the water and they watch one another, trying to gauge what has just happened. Elain shifts in the water, adjusting herself to be more comfortable as if she weren’t still riding the small waves of pleasure he has brought her. Lucien rests his hands on the edge of the bathtub, as if he hasn’t just touched Elain in a way that he had only imagined just before sleep. She looks him up and down, as he is still fully clothed and she is naked and wet, and asks him: 

“Would you like to join me?” 


End file.
